Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
