i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
