If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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