the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
