I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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