I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you inspire me to be a worse person
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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