Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she pinky promised me she was 18
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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