i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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