i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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