I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
