My girlfriend figured out who you are.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
