everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
