He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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