I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
