My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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