Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All the doctor said was why
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
