My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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