just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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