no, he came in my armpit
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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