And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
