found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
