you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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