I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
