i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
