just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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