Jerry, you need to find god
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
