Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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