I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
