i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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