we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
