The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
