his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My penis needs a shock collar
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
