I wish I only lived at night.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
