She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
