so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
