I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
