It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
