My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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