I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
