he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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