Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
