Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
