@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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