I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
