Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
