my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
