VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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