Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
