I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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