I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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